Layers like a 1980's gobstopper

Frustration is an emotion that many of us feel, and it can be really challenging when that frustration is directed towards ourself. It might be that we find ourselves repeating the same patterns of behaviour, the same habits, the same pitfalls, again and again. The frustration kicks in and can spiral into self-anger or even loathing.

Over the years, with all of the inner work I have done and continue to do, there are still deeply held patterns that can rear their head. And yes, I can get incredibily frustrated at the time. Here I am again, I think, journalling through it, trying to witness it, understand and move through it. I know that I will, but at the time it can feel horribly sticky, real and all-encompassing. It gets in the way of joy, of being present, of relaxation and I’d much rather that I didn’t have to do it or feel it.

But here is what I now know. It’s not the same, it’s never the same.

Let me share an analogy with you..

I loved gobstoppers as a child, and there was a particular one that stands out in my memory. They were huge, solid and called jawbreakers for a reason! To our parents’ dismay, my friend and I would delight in taking them in and out of our mouths, looking at the different colours and layers as they emerged, some hot and spicy, others cool and sweet, and right at the centre, the prized bubblegum, that I may or may not get stuck in my hair!

Our repeating patterns are like this (hopefully without the hair-sticking, but it can certainly feel like that at the time!) - same gobstopper, same centre, very different layers around it. So yes, the issue may feel deeply familiar, but absolutely every time we ‘take it out of our mouths to have a look’, there has been a change. And one of the most important things that we can do for ourselves, is to take a moment to notice the ‘new colour’.

Would you have dealt with this issue in exactly the same way last time it arose?

What are you doing or feeling differently this time?

What did you 2, 3 or 5 years ago when you faced this thing?

The difference in between? The different colour you see?

This is growth.

We are definitely conditioned to seek ‘breakthroughs’ these days, because that feeling gives the chemical hit of success, but in our health - physical, emotional and spiritual - quite often the breakthroughs are only a small part of our life. It’s the steady, daily shifts and changes that create the lasting change.

The diet shift, the posture awareness, the boundary setting, the gentle and gradual change in compassion towards ourselves. It is those, seemingly unremarkable, non-Instagrammable moments that make the change.

We heal and change in spirals. We come around again and again to get closer to our true selves, layer after spicy layer. Keep sucking!