Insights from illness

Just before Easter, my son caught chickenpox for the second time. Despite the fact that he only had one spot, he was poorly with the other symptoms of fever, delirium and generally feeling pretty rubbish. After ‘sleeping’ with him for three nights, it’s probably no surprise that I started to feel ill myself and I had in fact caught the varicella virus from him, despite having chickenpox as a child.

It absolutely wiped me out. Every morning, I woke up expecting to feel better and didn’t. Then I’d feel better, do a bit too much and feel awful again. My ears then started to block, to the point where I truly couldn’t hear at all. As miserable as the whole thing was, in this very quiet and small world that I was inhabiting, insights started to come in.

The first time that I experienced this was in 2015 when I underwent emergency abdominal surgery. Before then, my life was packed. I used every available moment, planned far ahead and had a very busy life. All of a sudden, I had to take two weeks off work, go very slowly and my only job was to heal. After the initial shock and frustration, on some level, it felt like a relief.

Many people experienced the pandemic in a similar way. The obligations, the requirements, the FOMO - it all dropped away. There was space to step back and feel, to see what mattered. Many people made huge and sustained life shifts as a result.

Getting ill is often seen as a weakness or failing in our culture. Certainly someone like me, who looks after other people’s health - well, I should be stronger than that, surely? I should be able to shake illness off like a flea off a dog, right?

But when we get ill, in some ways, there is also an opportunity. When the worst bit is over, there is the stage where we are still too tired to do much. And if we (and our circumstances) allow the space, we might see this as a chance to let things drop in. Certainly for me, this was the case. An issue that I had tussled with for a while, suddenly felt much clearer. I didn’t have the energy to over-think. Insights and answers dropped like coins into slots. My intuition had the opportunity to make itself known when the internal chatter was turned right down.

Sometimes, the most difficult times can hold treasures too if we allow ourselves to recognise them.